Downer

My mom was taken in to the hospital today. Lately she's really been struggling with shortness of breath, and just feeling overall "icky." Granted, the new chemo she is on is not reacting as well with her as the previous ones she's been on, so she usually has a few bad days right after her treatment. However, during my usual after work call with her on Friday, she mentioned she really wasn't feeling good, and she hadn't had a treatment in over a week. Then today, as she was trying to walk from her car to the church building, she literally felt like she wouldn't make it - so my dad took her down to Lutheran. We're talking maybe a 20 ft. walk here.

So they've admitted her and are going to run some more tests - she's recently been having tests done on her lungs and heart to try and figure out whats going on, but nothing conclusive has come back yet. Hopefully the tests they run during her stay at the hospital will have more answers, because I don't see how she can keep going like this - where literally walking from one room to another will make her feel faint.

I'm just...tired of seeing her in pain like this. Tired of both my parents having to deal with health issues. Tired of being stuck here in Utah and not close by where I can tangibly help more. Tired of wondering what's going to happen next. More than anything, I just wish I could see them feeling "back to normal" again.

I'm sorry for the short, downer post...I don't know, just been feeling bummed out tonight. I'm so terrible at writing things down, and I just...felt like I needed to get these thoughts out in writing somehow. I hope I can look back on them in the near future and think "I'm so glad we all pulled through okay." I've just got to hang on to that. I'm so thankful that Mark and I are going out there for Thanksgiving this year so I can spend a few days out there, and then it's just a short time until Christmas. There are so many things in my life that I have to be grateful for, and I just need to hang on to those things and be as optimistic as I can.