My Disney World post will be soon - these past few weeks have gotten away from me. And I just don't feel like switching over to Mark's side, so I can access the photos we uploaded. So....yeah.
Anyway, I've been feeling a little stressed/down on myself lately. Now let me make a disclaimer here, for those of you who actually read this: This is NOT a "poor me, please pour on the sympathy" post. Not at all. I'm just actually deciding to write out how I am feeling at the moment, even if it's not fantastic. So really - I'm not fishing for comments or anything. Just wanted to be sure and establish that.
I always get to be more this way when I am under stress. And the past couple of weeks have been pretty stressful. My work launched a brand new company on Monday, and needless to say it has been crazy. We have had so much to do, and it literally feels like there is not enough time to do it. It just seemed to come up so fast. And I feel so unsure of myself sometimes at work - I have a hard time making big decisions, because I put so much pressure on myself that if I screw up, it will cause a huge set back, etc. But at the same time, I need to make those decisions, because no one else has the time to. So it just kinda wears on me. Probably a good thing in the long run - it's helping me be more assertive, confident in making decisions, etc. But yeah - stressful, and doesn't add to the good vibes to myself.
I've also been feeling so....replaceable, I guess is the word. I don't feel that way with my husband (that would be a problem), and with my family, it's more in my social acquaintances, and friendships, and such. Really, I feel like this sort of transient being that can provide a good ear to listen, or a shoulder to lean on, or to have a good laugh with. But I'm so sporadic with keeping in contact with people, or doing nice things for people, that I allow myself to be a lame friend. And I hate that, because I want to be a good friend - just like my friends are to me. But I feel like I fall short, or something.
I don't feel like I am creative - though I do think I am getting better. I just get so frustrated with myself about it, because I am always comparing myself to others who are very talented and creative. And I know that's not the point, or what I should be doing - but I still do it regardless. I've been a "comparitive" person my whole life. I feel like I don't have any real talents, or the ones I do have, I have let slip away, like my piano playing. Basically it comes down to I am too lazy, and I don't let myself feel like it's worth trying, because it's never "enough."
Ok, so I am seriously sitting here debating on whether I should actually post this or not. Looking at it, it totally comes across as a sympathy post, which as I mentioned, is not what I want to it to be. But, I'm going to go ahead and post it here before I wuss out - maybe it will be good to just get these thoughts out here. Maybe it will help me realize that this isn't really the way I feel - this is just the somewhat stressed, kinda down on herself Robin talking. And that's not the real me.